Thursday, December 11, 2008

more of the same

good article

obama will continue the same policies that bush had, which were a continuations of Clinton's, which were...

bush is no more the problem than obama is the answer. the problem is shared by all our politicians in both parties. they haven't looked out for the country, just their own lazy asses and big egos. it's disappointing to see the people who hated bush think that obama will come in and change anything. isn't it obvious from all the promises he has already broken (FISA, CFR, Windall profits, iraq, etc.), appointing all the same old DC people, and not being straightforward about the illinois governor, that we have replaced one self serving politician with another?

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Zack and Miri

the yahoo headline said:
A controversial movie might have gone No. 1 this weekend if it weren't for its title and subject matter .

oh, that stupid subject matter. if zack and miri make a porno was just about teddy bears it would have been #1! who writes these headlines?

some of their other hits:

- Hitler would have been a really cool dude if it weren't for everything he did and all the people he killed.
- Rotten fruit might be #1 item at restaurant except for its name and the fact that it's rotten fruit.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

must see clip on welfare. a popular thing to say these days is that it is un-christian to oppose welfare. you can care about the poor, and still realize that government economic intervention has hurt poor people more than it helps them. in the 20th century, the US government threw trillions of dollars into the 'war on poverty' and the national poverty rate has stayed exactly the same.

Thursday, October 23, 2008


if i watched Dog the bounty hunter more, we could easily have ten Dog quotes of the day.

Tonight: "You need to be ruthless and relentful !"

What TF?

last week it was 75 degrees and sunny. tonight? 34.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

legalize it!

a hedge fund manager retires, and writes a goodbye note. he digresses into a pot rant, but has some good points on a policy that puts weed users in prison, but is ok with alcohol and tobacco companies playing a big part in our gov't.

from his goodbye letter to clients: "Lastly, while I still have an audience, I would like to bring attention to an alternative food and energy source. You won’t see it included in BP’s, “Feel good. We are working on sustainable solutions,” television commercials, nor is it mentioned in ADM’s similar commercials. But hemp has been used for at least 5,000 years for cloth and food, as well as just about everything that is produced from petroleum products. Hemp is not marijuana and vice versa. Hemp is the male plant and it grows like a weed, hence the slang term. The original American flag was made of hemp fiber and our Constitution was printed on paper made of hemp. It was used as recently as World War II by the U.S. Government, and then promptly made illegal after the war was won. At a time when rhetoric is flying about becoming more self-sufficient in terms of energy, why is it illegal to grow this plant in this country? Ah, the female.

The evil female plant – marijuana. It gets you high, it makes you laugh, it does not produce a hangover. Unlike alcohol, it does not result in bar fights or wife beating. So, why is this innocuous plant illegal? Is it a gateway drug? No, that would be alcohol, which is so heavily advertised in this country. My only conclusion as to why it is illegal, is that Corporate America, which owns Congress, would rather sell you Paxil, Zoloft, Xanax and other additive drugs, than allow you to grow a plant in your home without some of the profits going into their coffers. This policy is ludicrous. It has surely contributed to our dependency on foreign energy sources. Our policies have other countries literally laughing at our stupidity, most notably Canada, as well as several European nations (both Eastern and Western). You would not know this by paying attention to U.S. media sources though, as they tend not to elaborate on who is laughing at the United States this week."

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Airport security

airport security is wack. one guy tries to get arrested and can't. all the $ we are spending is useless. and let me bring my toothpaste onboard!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

From The Onion

if you have seen the Comedy Central Roasts, and you know about the President of Iran, you will think this is hillarious.


I swear a chick on the show named her baby that, after maury povich. think its pretty safe to say if you name your baby after maury, you probably are going to have to figure out who the father is on national television.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Jeff Steitzer

This guy is the awesome. He is the narrator for multi player halo. You might know him from such hits as "Double Kill" "Triple Kill" and lets not forget "30 seconds to win!" I would love to have him narrate parts of my life. During one of my tests : "10 minutes remaining". put other examples in the comments...

Sunday, September 14, 2008


These semi submersible submarines that drug smugglers use are awesome. Why? because it shows how awesome humans are. when there's a reason for us to do something, we are incredibly good at figuring it out, and getting it done. humans respond to incentive.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Escort Service Assistant

I'm looking for jobs at GW , and there is one listed as "Escort Service Assistant." Now if you read the job description, you'll see that it is a job driving a bus. But I can think of like 500 better ways to phrase that. especially since the job is in downtown DC.

Friday, September 12, 2008


Sweet it worked

so, i read an article on yahoo. guess what the last single of the last 50 years is? not beatles, elvis, madonna, nirvana... it's Chubby Checker and "Twist". Anyway, this video is tight. hes almost 70, and he goes on a show and talks to two guys hes never met before, and jams out his old single with him. he's still got it.

Learning to embed

How my last job turned out


ever wondered how much to tip different people? here is a helpful guide. if you have to ask why buscemi is here, you havent seen reservoir dogs.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Maury Quote :

baby momma: "I'm 110% positive jamal is the father of my baby"
Maury: "what makes you so sure he's the father?"
baby moma: " I'm 110% percent sure Maury, thats why."

okay then.

PS - if you pronounce the word "sister" "Sus-tah" theres a good chance you dont know who the father of your child is.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Maury Quote of the Day

A woman accuses a man of cheating. the man's response? "Listen, I know a girl said she gave me oral conceptions, but she's lying!" They even had a graphic next to him that said "Oral Conceptions."

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Grandmother drives with kid on roof of car

I am terrified of leaving a carseat on top of the roof of a car, since I do it with drinks and things all the time. She says she was just letting her have some fun. If you google " baby on car roof " you don't get any funny pictures, but you do get this one of a baby blue lamborghini gallardo..

This isn't 2004

McCain takes the maximum donation from the founder of a gay meet up site. This will be a crazy election season...

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Caption Contest!

Put your caption suggestions in the comments on this awesome photo.

Good night, chocolate salty balls

I like to make fun of about almost everything. but I try and have a healthy respect for the dead. i think most of people's faults should be excused when they die, and I'm terrified of dying myself. Plus i believe in ghosts. So it's sad to see Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes go. Bernie was hilarious in Ocean's Eleven "Blackjack? More like White Jack!" And hayes is Chef. Freakin Chef! Here's to hopin Isaac gets a big "Hello there children!" when he enters the afterlife.

So I guess I only have a few more months to make fun of amy winehouse. enjoy it while you can, cracky!


I have nothing against Buick. Car companies can go from good to bad and vice versa pretty quicily. But I was watching the PGA Championship, and heard the announcer say "This show brought to you by Buick. Buick: The Craft of Luxury." Except in my head I heard him say, "Buick, the Crap of luxury." And, he would have had a point, right?

Saturday, August 9, 2008


Spent time in the city yesterday and remembered how polar it is: lots of crazy homeless people walking around, but also a guy driving a brand new, light green, Aston Martin DB9.

Thursday, August 7, 2008


Maury quote of the day:

"We asked you if you have had sex with transsexuals since you were married. You said no, and the lie detector test determined that was a lie."

Dolphin boy!

Some people have seen this before, but this kid is like a real life daredevil. His eyes were surgically removed, so he 'sees' by clicking his tongue like a dolphin and listening to the echo. crazy.

I could be Mayor!

Move aside Marion Barry. Detroits mayor sucks too!

Kind of cool, kind of douchey

I was stoked when the Giants won the superbowl. I'm a sucker for the underdog. And the patriots getting randy moss for a 4th rounder was Gasol-like in its unfairness. so im glad the giants won. but two giants fans going to south america to find the "World Champion Patriots" gear is a little douchey.


A guy totally made his own working batmobile. I don't even know what to say. Respeck!

Get Busy Living...

When Morgan Freeman got into a crash, I thought it was weird that the report said he was driving a 1997 maxima. Brett Favre and Ladanian Tomlinson's fathers died while driving older trucks as well. If my kid was rich, you better believe I'd be driving somethin nice. or else i'd tell the world he wet the bed. Anyway, it makes sense now, as Morgan was with another woman, and driving her car, and now Morgan and his wife are getting divorced. thats one way to get caught...


the head of a Darfur advocacy group is carrying the torch in China for a while. how did china get the olympics again?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

CSC in Jeopardy

I might not keep blogging, as I might soon be super rich. Check out this email I just got:

From Zainab Aziz.
Dearest One,

Good a thing to write you. I have a proposal for you-this however is not mandatory nor will I in any manner compel you to honour against your will.

I am Zainab Aziz, 21years old and the only daughter of my late parents Mr. and Mrs. Aziz. My father was a highly reputable business magnet (a cocoa merchant) who operated in the capital of Cote D'Ivoire during his days.It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on 12th.Febuary 2004.Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who travelled with him at that time. But God knows the truth!
My mother died when I was just 4 years old, and since then my father took me so special. Before his death on February 12 2004 he called the secretary who accompanied him to the hospital and told him that he has the sum of seven million, five hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$7.500,000) left in one of the leading security company in Cote D'Ivoire.
He further told him that he deposited the money in my name,and I am just 21 years old and a university undergraduate and really don't know what to do. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life.
Sir, I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded.
Now permit me to ask these few questions:-
1. Can you honestly help me as one family?
2. Can I completely trust you?
3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the money is in your account?

Please, Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible.

Thank you so much.
My sincere regards,
Zainab Aziz.

All I have to do is give him some money, and I'll be a millionaire! I knew there was a lot of money just floating around in Africa, but I never knew I'd get a piece of it. I hope I stay grounded once I'm rich.

Google Reader

Ya'll got to get google reader. I was a reluctant late adopter. luckily i'm married to an early adopter ( on some things, although she still uses an abacus) . Anyway, google reader takes the RSS (really simple syndication) or a web log, (or blog for the hippity hop youngsters) and feeds it into an easy to read page, similar to your mail box. so go to your gmail, click on reader, and start subscribing to sites. all you have to do is put in the URL. I suggest subscribing to Craig Sager's Closet, as it will increase your manhood if you are a man, and enlarge your breasts, if you are a woman. some side effects have incurred, such as headache, swelling, and loss of life.

Pot Laws

marijuana laws are out of control. a guy who provided legal medicinal marijuana to a boy with cancer was convicted of federal charges even though it was legal in his state. It would have been legal, however, for the boy to get OxyContin, the most powerful drug on earth. Ron Paul! Ron Paul! seriously, obama, or mccain, we all lose. the crazy marijuana laws are not going anywhere .

Mountain Lions

Colorado is a nice place. I've been there, and i like it. But you do have to beware of random mountain lions coming into your house and eating your dog. The worst part of the story, is that in order to catch the cougar (not demi moore) , they had to use the dead dog as bait.

Speaking of Maury

Today's maury quote of the day:

"Who's going to lie in bed naked with someone, and not do the 'grown up'? "

Who indeed. certainly not me.

John Edwards Baby

most of you know i'm a libertarian. I dont think the republicans have the answers, and I dont think the democrats have the answers. but the way the media favors the democrats is a little crazy. John Edwards had a baby with his mistress, while running for president, and while his wife was dying of cancer. if a repbulican had done this, it would be front page news every day. but, mostly people have hardly heard of this story. the best part of the story was that edwards' excuse was "My friend andrew young is the father." The only problem with that : Andrew Young is black. the baby is white. somebody call maury!

we're number 20! we're number 20!

the new law school rankings are out. I know you guys just couldnt wait. and, GW is #20. Not bad for a school that accepted me. i think the yogi berra rule should apply to law schools. I don't want to go to a law school that would have me as a student,.

Friday, August 1, 2008

You're Doing it Wrong

Lolz. this guy meant to steal $10 of copper wire, but ended up stuck under a dumpster for like 10 hours. Hes just like the Wicked witch of the East. except dumb. and on meth.

This is how it ends? Toyota?

We all know robots will take over the earth eventually, but if I had to bet on which company leads us to our death , I would say Toyota. It sounds like they're pretty serious about the robot stuff, and they have the pieces in place to get it rolling. This segway type thing is just the beginning. Have we found our real life Cyberdyne Systems?

Great Article in NYT

If you have time, read this article in the New York Times, about people called "trolls." They are kind of a combination of hackers and pranksters. Its a very good article.

Maury Povich Quote of the Day

One of the great parts--okay the best part-- of working from home is that you get to turn on the Maury Povich show while you work. So each day, I'll share my favorite quote from the show for you. Today's quote is: "I ain't gonna be givin up my man to no ho!"

Internet Fluency

Here at CSC, I'd like to make everyone a little more fluent in the slang of the interwebs (interwebs=the tubes=the internet). One thing that is said on the web a lot is "do not want". It comes from a great blog post called "Star Wars: Backstroke of the West." With the Chinese olympics coming up, we will be seeing lots of funny Chinese translations like this menu. People have been tracking these for a while at Engrish. Anyway, Star Wars Backstroke of the West, was an early released Chienese bootleg version of Star Wars 3 . The english subtitles that came with it are hillarious , and worth a look. The final climatic scene where Vader screams "No!!!!!!" comes out as "Do Not Want!!!!" So now you can use this in your every day conversations. Example, Me: "Hey man, here's this picture of Rosie O'Donnell in a swimsuit." You: "Do not want!!!!"

Speaking of Doobage

Thought I'd share a pic. I love that the guy is holding is car keys in the picture. Where does he think he's going to drive after puffin a footlong spliff?

Can't Go On

I might not be able to post, or do much of anything anymore . My whole view of life has been shattered. Snoop Dogg's tour van was pulled over yesterday. And they found.... Marijuana. :(
You think you know a guy, and then it turns out, they've been using illegal psychotropic substances, or at least permitting the use of them. Hopefully I can go on .

Thursday, July 31, 2008

As Promised

I promised Nate dog that when I got the blog up, the first post would be about the "batwing." Its a sweatshirt for working out, but so much worse. It's also one of the most unintentionally funny things you'll see. Take a look.


Welcome to Craig Sager's Closet. CSC will mostly be links that I thought were fun. My areas of interest are sports, politics, and funny news stories. If you regularly read sites like Deadspin, political blogs, or other links pages, then most these posts will be redunant. But, if you don't surf the web much, I'm happy to do it for you, and share the best parts.